I've decided to list all of the hopes and expectations I believe people have of me. This way I can work towards shedding other people's expectations and focus on what I want to do. It may seem selfish, but in reality, if I'm always focused on making other people happy, I won't get to make myself happy.
- I should become a Jehovah's Witness again
- I should cater to the every whim of my family members
- I should leave my husband because we are not the typical couple
- I should work full time but always arrange my work schedule to meets other people's demands
- I should never feel depressed or in pain when it interferes with someone else's plans
- I should get a new job that pays more, no matter how much I love the one I have
- I should get rid of my fur and feather babies because I have to buy their food (fucking ridiculous, right?!)
- I should always be the person to contact a family member instead of them contacting me.
- I should never have financial problems because of my degrees
- I should stop 'complaining' about my multiple life-long diagnoses
I read so often that we should focus on self-care. We shouldn't feel selfish if we worry about ourselves for once. I realized that there's one important word in all of this. SHOULD. No one should tell you how to live your life. Suggestions are okay. Advice is okay (when asked for it!). But telling me I SHOULD do things their way just rubs me wrong. I don't express it, even when there are times that I'd love to shut off my tact and just say exactly how I feel. I know that I need to stay tactful, but I need to back myself up and do what I want or need to do.
Obviously there are plenty of times when I tell myself I should do something. But why do I say it? Because I'm mad at myself for whatever I didn't do. And there's no reason to be angry at myself. As long as I live that way, I will never be able to truly appreciate what I have.
Okay, mini-rant over. You can go back to your life now, and I hope that maybe you shed some of the 'should's from your life. Only if you want to, of course. I'm not going to tell you what to do :)
If I sound like I'm repeating myself, I kinda am. I wrote this related post back in January.