Monday, March 17, 2014

No, I didn't want to do anything this weekend...

By no means did this weekend go as planned. We were supposed to take our first trip out to Springtown to finally see the town we've already decided to move to, sight unseen. We were really looking forward to it, until 8am Saturday morning, when my body decided that I shouldn't even have stomach acid in my stomach.

We apparently ate some bad food, and had HORRIBLE food poisoning. I've had it before where I just can't keep anything down, but this was another whole level of hell. Did you know that severe food poisoning can include fever and muscle spasms? Couple that with my pre-existing conditions, and I was in agony all freakin' day. When I wasn't in the bathroom, I was staring at the ceiling in tears begging to sleep through it. Hubs got lucky and slept all day. But not me. I wasn't able to finally get a painkiller to stay down until 7pm. Between 7 and midnight I took 3 brands of pain killers, three anti-nausea meds and a sleeping pill before I was finally able to sleep. I wish I could have taken the sleeping pill much earlier, but I didn't want to waste it like I had been with some of the other anti-nausea meds I'd attempted to take earlier in the day.

When you are in that much pain, it's hard not to think about what it could mean for the future. I truly hope that the worst of the pain can be attributed to food poisoning, because otherwise I'm screwed. I should probably start looking for a pain management doc, since I'll very likely need one in the future. My rheumy already told me that he has put me on the highest dosage of a non-narcotic pain med without the necessity for frequent liver and kidney labs. If my pain continues to get worse in the future, I'll need the new doc. Now to find one that won't think a 26yr old with rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia and bipolar disorder isn't just a drug addict looking for a fix. I don't want to rely on things like vicodin, morphine or fentanyl to function. I don't want to live like that. At multiple points during the day I was also begging to lose my desire to be a parent, because I don't know how I could possibly take care of a child and risk days of pain like this.

I'm not supposed to feel like this. I could go on to rant and rave about how it's not fair, but it would be a waste of my time. I already know it's not fair, and I already know I can't change life. This was my attempt to find humor in the situation on facebook:

Me: "Dear life, where do we complain about defective parts? I need a new, functioning body, fast. Don't I have a warranty or something?"

Life: "Dear Lynne - we're sorry to hear that you are unhappy with your product. Unfortunately you only had a 25 year warranty, and it expired on your 26th birthday last week. If you need Dr referrals, don't ask us. Thank you for being such a valued customer. Sincerely, Life"

But today is the start of a new week. I made it to work early so I can put in some decent hours, we have plans to go to Speedzone to celebrate our birthdays, and we're going to check out the Texas Indian Market this weekend! Hopefully we won't have anymore unexpected illnesses. For at least a month and a half. I've got too much packing and moving to do, and I'm running out of weekends!

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