Wednesday, November 27, 2013

I'm thankful for...

So yesterday sucked. And I ranted and raved in my last post. Today I feel better. But I'm going to stop wishing that things would change. I'm the only one that can really make that happen, right? So here goes the new attitude. Eventually I'll have kids. At this point I don't know how, but I'm going to do my best to just wait until it happens. Maybe it'll be adoption in a decade or two. Yes, for awhile it will still hurt like hell, but I  can hurt or I can push through it.

I don't know if this is related, but today is the first day that I took the full dose of ACE. I started Sunday with just one pill a day to ease into it. It might not be related at all, but at least I feel better than I did yesterday. I did get a great 90min massage last night. For anyone that gets massages, once you try a 90min session instead of a regular 60, you'll never go back. I mean it. I'm certainly not going back lol. I love my therapist, Chuck. He's very knowledgeable about fibromyalgia, which is very important to me. We also have great conversations on the days I feel like talking. Sometimes we are quiet the whole time, and sometimes we don't shut up lol.

Anywho, since I'm going to be with family tomorrow, I thought I'd try to write my Thankful post today.

I'm thankful for:
- a loving husband that makes sure I take my meds, eat when I'm hungry, sleep when I need it, and never fails to make me laugh when I need it most.
- a job and bosses that allows me to set my own schedule so I can work around the stupid illnesses that I fight daily.
- a roof over my head that keeps me cool in the summer and warm in the winter
- all of my fur-, feather- and fin-children that show unconditional love because that's all they know. Ones I can cuddle up with anytime I want.
- family that helps me through the hard times and wants to help me get better more than my docs do.
- Doctors that don't charge me an arm and a leg because I don't have insurance.
- Cysters around the world that are always there to bitch about the same problems, officer helpful advice and suggestions when needed, and love me no matter how I look or feel each day. Katrina, Sarah, Annie, Christina, the Nicholes (Thing 1 and Thing 2), and all the girls in the DFW PCOS group.
- A pay rate that allows me to spend a little extra here and there... Ok, a lot extra, which gets me in trouble hehehe

i'm sure if I think hard enough that there might be more, but these are the most important. Did you write a list of what you are thankful for? Post a link below so we can read them! Until then, HAPPY TURKEY DAY!


Tuesday, November 26, 2013

One day I won't be so ticked off...

This post started out of sheer frustration. I was mad, angry, and ready to let the world have it. Even told Hubs that I was ready to lock myself in a room and never come out. But that won't do me any good. It certainly won't help my checkbook or my mental health. So what is a girl like me supposed to do?

I don't know. I haven't known for years. I started talking to potential donors this past week, in the hopes that maybe we could start trying to get pregnant soon. But when I got home and thought about it, I got sick to my stomach. It's the first time it's ever happened. I'm used to getting sick after hearing about other people getting preggo. But I've never been sick at the thought of having my own kids. That's the dream I've had for almost 20 years now. So what the hell is going on?

Is my body sick of the heartbreak? Does the thought of not having a biological child by Hubs make me nauseous? Am I freaked out by how life will go as long as I'm off my meds? Am I worried that I won't be a good mom? I have no idea. And it's frikkin' frustrating. I was always so sure of the idea of being a mom, and now I don't know.

I'm reminded of the movie 'Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind'. I wish we had the ability to just erase some memories or desires. I'd love to erase my desire for a child. It would ease a lot of my stress. I might be able to hang out with pregnant people without wanting to cry. I might be able to hang out with my neighbors (who don't realize that I'm ignoring them because they are single, preggo and chain-smoking...)

I just needed to rant again. I know it won't change how I feel, but I needed to get it out before I screamed. I'm probably still going to scream, but I'll wait til I'm in bed and can muffle the sound with a pillow.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

A dash of this, a little of that...

Well prep weekend didn't go as planned (read: I went shopping on Saturday and wore myself out, so I didn't do crap on Sunday.) But the shopping was productive - we picked up most of what we needed to make our Salvation Army Angels happy. We were going to skip angels this year because of SA's stance on gay families, but I couldn't find another angel tree type thing, so we got Angels again. As much as I disapprove of the gay family belief held by SA, I can't take it out on the kids that need our help. We found two little munchkins - we always get the babies and toddlers so we can attempt to fulfill our desires of buying stuff for our own children. We always buy clothes, shoes, diapers and toys, along with what they need. This year one needs a car seat and one needs shoes. We've got the shoes covered, but I'm still on the hunt for a car seat - mainly because I have no idea what I'm doing. I figure that at 11 months she's probably too big for an infant car seat (or they had better already have one!) and too small for the toddler seat. I'm at a complete loss, so I put out a call to my mom friends, and hopefully I can get that resolved soon.

I didn't make everything on my menu yet, but I did make some fabulous soup last night. It was full of shitake mushrooms, bok choy and shrimp. It was SOOOO GOOD! I'll try to remember the recipe, because I deviated so much from the one I posted Friday. Even Hubs liked it - someone who doesn't like soup at all. So go me! I'm going to eat the rest tonight. I'm also going to make my napa cabbage rolls tonight, if the turkey meat I have is still good. **crossing fingers** Otherwise I'll just find something else to do with it.

I've been doing lots of online shopping, mostly for myself haha. It's like Christmas every time I open the mail box! I think I've got 10+ boxes coming in the next few weeks, and I'll get to wrap the few Christmas presents those boxes contain. I might wrap presents for myself. Is that a bad thing? My kombucha starter kit showed up today, so I get to start that process. I bought a ton of kombucha yesterday so I can reuse all the bottles for my home-brewed. I'm excited to see how it goes!


I picked up everything I needed to make a new Christmas wreath to replace the one that's falling apart. Picked everything up at Hobby Lobby since all the Christmas stuff is 50% off. I snapped a pic at the store so I'd remember how I laid it all out when I actually put it together.




And, last but certainly not least, I'm an aunt again! My newest nephew is Recon, an Aussie lab mix. Here's a pic with his sister, Chloe. I can't wait to meet him!


Friday, November 15, 2013

Weekend Food Prep

This weekend will be a food prep weekend. I pick up my next fruit and veggie basket tonight, and will be using that as the inspirational ingredients for all my cooking.

broccoli
lettuce
napa cabbage
spaghetti squash
bok choy
parsley
brassica greens
collard greens
apples

It will also have beets, radishes, green onions and jalepenos, but I don't want any of that. Those are going straight to my grandmother's house so they don't go to waste!

I've got some butternut squash and sweet potatoes that I need to use as well. So much produce! My hope is to have all of next week's food prepped this weekend so I don't have to stress about cooking.

Napa cabbage:
Cabbage rolls - (also adding a little apple)
http://aggieskitchen.com/2013/02/25/asian-stuffed-napa-cabbage-rolls/

Roasted napa cabbage -
http://www.thekitchn.com/easy-winter-recipe-roasted-cab-105338

Brassica greens:
sauteed with garlic and ginger in a chicken stir fry.

Bok choy:
http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/oriental-soup-with-mushrooms-bok-choy-shrimp-10000001895907/

Lettuce:
Mason jar salads

I might change things up between now and then, but we'll see!

Monday, November 11, 2013

Raw Vegan Jerky!

Every time we go to the local farmer's market, Mom and I grab stuff off of the almost-bad shelf. It's usually full of over-ripe bananas and other fruits. This time there was a ton of carrots, so Mom asked if we could make some carrot juice. We ended up juicing carrots, apples, pears, grapes and blueberries. When we were done I had a gallon sized baggie packed overflowing of juice pulp. I really didn't want to throw it away, so I tried something new. Juice Pulp Crackers. I went based off of a recipe from Gena at Choosing Raw. I was so excited to try it out, along with my new VitaMix that Hubs won.

I'm not excited about the VitaMix. It didn't blend well, had no cyclonic action to pull unblended stuff from the top to the bottom, and it just shut off after getting too warm. I wasn't using it for more than 45 sec at a time at half speed and it overheated. For a $500 blender, I am not happy. I'm just glad I didn't actually fork out the money for it myself. When I was blending, I was having to use a tamper to push the unblended stuff down, and as someone with rheumatoid arthritis, that was RIDICULOUS. Honestly my hands still hurt from it. But I got the job done, and had 16+ cups of wet juice pulp for crackers. I spread the mix out thin onto my dehydrator sheets, popped them in the dehydrator, and 24 hours later I had Vegan Jerky! I cooked them at a lower temperature than Gena suggested - 105 instead of 115, so it took a lot longer to finish. Most of them were thin enough that they are crispy like crackers now, which was my original intention. Some of the thicker sheets are a little chewy, thus the jerky name. You can't taste the carrots at all, just the fruity flavor, so I think they would go awesome with a little cream cheese at breakfast. True, cream cheese invalidates the vegan claim, but there's vegan cream cheese out there.

I was so excited that these turned out well, and I'll be snacking on them all week. I took some to work and got great reviews from my coworkers. I'm giving some to my neighbors tonight to see what they think. I am definitely going to start doing this often. I need to get back into juicing anyway so I can get more of my leafy greens back in my diet. I'm going back to salads as well, but I've got to get rid of all the crappy dressings I have in the fridge.Crappy dressings make crappy salads, and I don't like crappy salads.

So this recipe is super easy. Take your juice pulp, blend it with some water or juice to make it a little wet, but you still want it to hold together. It also should be easily spreadable. Add flax seed for some extra crunch and omega-3s. Spread it out thin on a dehydrator sheet or parchment paper, and pop them in. After 4-132 hours, depending on the temp you use, flip them over and pop them back in. You can also score them here so they break apart easily when they are done. When they are done, let them cool and stick them in an airtight container. They should last for at least a week. Then dive in! I bet you can't eat just one :)

Gena has suggested that you can do this in the oven, but I haven't tried it.



Thursday, November 7, 2013

New Daily Schedule

I've decided to try a forced schedule again. I'm not going as strict as I tried last time. This time, if I'm not running late to work, everything must be done before I allow myself to leave the house. It means that I'll have to go to bed earlier so I can wake up earlier, but I need to do that anyway.

AM:
  • Oil-pulling
  • Brush teeth
  • Take meds and supplements
  • Drink glass of warm lemon water and apple cider vinegar
  • Make smoothie
  • 15+ min of yoga or barre3
  • Shower

PM:
  • Make Dinner or eat leftovers
  • pack lunch for next day
  • 30+ minutes yoga or barre3
  • spend 10+ minutes outside with Spike
  • Take meds by 9:30pm
  • brush teeth
  • In bed by 10:30pm

I think it might be difficult in the beginning because I love my sleep, but I have to push through it and follow Nike's slogan - JUST DO IT. That's been my problem all along. I will tell myself I need to do something, but stay on the couch instead. I've got to start listening to myself and following through instead of ignoring the thoughts in my head.

I really want to buy a new wardrobe. But I have to lose weight before I do it. I figured if I looked at some outfits that I really want in my closet, that might help. So here they are. (These are all found at RebelCircus.com)



I CAN DO THIS!

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

It's time for the 11th Soul Cysters Weight Loss Challenge! This time it's FREE!

Things are going to be different for this 11th Challenge. It is decided that this next challenge is going to be for FREE. However, that means that there will be no cash prizes. However, Soul Cyster Creations is offering 50% OFF one item from their store. (If anyone else wants to donate something they can just PM Soul Cysters Weight Loss Challenge)

Since it is FREE, we are going to let those who were in the last challenge stay in and we are opening up 5 spots to old contestants and 10 spots to NEW contestants. This way you can see what we do and just get some good motivation going for your weight loss.

Please answer the below questions to be considered. Please send them in a message via the SCWLC page. 

1) Why are you wanting to join the SCWLC?
2) When did you find out you had PCOS?
3) What is your current BMI (send height and weight as well so we can verify) This is because we do not want anyone joining that does not need to be losing weight.
4) What is your motivation for weight loss? How will this incorporate into being in the SCWLC?
5) Can you dedicate at least 20-30 min a week to posting pictures or responding to posts within the group?
6) What do you hope to get out of participating in this challenge?
7) What is your ultimate weight loss goal and how far away are you?
 Are you able to help encourage others through their weight loss journey? Can you be supportive to other Cysters in the challenge?
9)Are you willing to post your before pic (full body shot) and your weight? This is done in the private group and only those in the challenge will see it.
10) Can you agree to the rules and disclaimer of joining the SCWLC? The rules still apply we just are not winning money or paying fees this go around.

Make sure to share this with other Cysters who would like to join. Depending on how many we may consider more than 10. Just note that anyone who can not stay active or does not post their weigh-in or photo by deadline will be removed from group. We want those who want to take this seriously to join... Thanks for understanding!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Damn... I'm too young to be boring, aren't I?

I've been working on my Christmas wish list, now that Halloween is over. I'm not a huge fan of Thanksgiving - just another day to stuff our fat asses full of food. I don't need any more fat, so a holiday dedicated to eating is obviously not too appealing.

As I go through my wish list, I realized that I have gone from picking things I want to picking things I need. Practicality overwhelmed my personal desires. I guess that isn't bad, but it makes me feel boring. I have tons of wall shelving and storage baskets on my list. So boring! But I need to get my life organized, and more storage means more organization. (Well, maybe not so much, because I have tons of baskets and storage at home and haven't gotten around to using them properly.)

What I really need to do at this moment is go through the house and gather every empty storage container I have purchased, then figure out where they can go on my shelves. I told Hubs that I wanted to go for a week without TV to see what I could get done, so I'll start there. Just making the shelves look organized will likely give me a boost to start filling the baskets and I'll start seeing my floor again.

I found these awesome locker divider shelves that fit perfectly on some of my other shelving units, and they were on clearance so I bought a bunch. I already had some from a few years ago and I could pass them up at $2 a piece. They aren't really the right color, but they're going in a closet so it doesn't really matter to me.

Hopefully I can get some of this done and I'll be able to post pics of my success!

Monday, November 4, 2013

Kombucha and a vitamix!

I've been addicted to Kombucha tea for a couple of months now. When I shop at Sprouts, I always grab a few of the GT's Synergy organic kombucha with chia. By far my favorite flavor is Black Chia, which has black currant juice in it. The problem with buying it, though, is the price. $3.50 a bottle. Yeah, it's cheaper than Starbucks, but I don't go to Starbucks every day. There have been a lot of blogs recently about making your own kombucha. I thought that would be a lot of fun, but I need to be a little more normal so I can prepare it properly and remember to check on it. I was at my grandmother's this morning and we started talking about it. Wouldn't you know she wanted to make her own too! I'll be buying a starter SCOBY soon, and I'll be making my own kombucha ! I can't wait to decide all the different flavors I want to make!

On another note, I'm very happy to announce that I'm having a garage sale in a few weeks! Along with my support group, we will be raising money to assist one of our Cysters in paying her son's medical bills. he is only 13, has cerebral palsy, and has been diagnosed with a rare liver cancer. He's so sweet, and doesn't deserve all this illness crap. I'm so blessed to have girls in the group that are they for more than just PCOS advice. We all care about each other. I couldn't have hoped for a better group. My cysters are awesome :)

Hubs and I went of for a late anniversary lunch last Friday. While we were eating, Hubs got a phone call. A few weeks ago Sprouts was doing a giveaway for a VitaMix blender and a gift certificate for groceries. I put my name, Mom and Hubs in the drawing. Hubs won. Woohoo! A VitaMix in store costs roughly $500, so I was super excited about it. But honestly, I don't know why it's so special. I have not pulled it out of the box and tried anything yet because I don't know what to do. I will be digging through food blogs to see what I can find. Supposedly I can blend the crap out of fruits and veggies to get a better juice than my juicer provides. I'm supposed to be able to make hot soup in it too. With the temps dropping finally, I'm definitely going to try out some soups!

I'm getting back on track diet-wise, or at least I'm trying. I'm working on my self-esteem and getting rid of the negative self talk. I think the negativity is my biggest issue. 'What's the point in losing weight? You'll just gain it back...' stuff like that. Or I get mad at myself for not sticking to my plans. The usual junk I always say about myself. I'm trying to be nice to myself. I can do it.

I think that's plenty of my usual randomness for the day :)