Monday, August 12, 2013

Eliminating fear of change by changing fear

I did my final weigh in for SCWLC. It was 247 pounds. The first weigh in was 251.2, so I lost 4.2 pounds in 6 weeks. Oh Em Gee. And I didn't really do anything. Well, ok, I was eating better. very few donuts. And I've been eating lots of fruits - strawberries and cherries :) I've considerably cut back on Jack in the Box, because we found WhichWich. And because the car broke down, so I have to bring food from home. and I started eating the fruits and veggies I get from Urban Acres every two weeks.

So that was a nice surprise. I know that I really need to start working out more. and I get mad at myself for choosing TV over exercise. I just end up exhausted by the time I get home, especially now that I'm working much longer hours. But I'm working towards getting better. It's a slow process, which frustrates me, but in the end things will change.

I'm one of those people that wants to see results immediately. I think a lot of us are like that now. I feel I don't have time to wait. Or that I'm tired of fighting and I just want the end result.

I know that major drawbacks for me are my illnesses. I fear that if I start taking better care of myself again, start working out, then my body will fall apart all over again. It's a stupid fear. It sounds counter-intuitive. How can taking better care of myself lead to getting sicker? It happened the first time. That's what bothers me. I was doing so well, then it all went to hell, and I haven't been able to find a way to fight that fear. Yes, it probably was just a badly timed coincidence.

So that's my new (and only!) goal for the next month or two, or four. I have to get over this fear before I can move on and move forward with my life.

This post on showed up in my email today:

"What’s causing you to keep running into the same damn brick wall? Fear. To be specific, fear of PAIN. Our nature is to avoid pain at all costs."

Tonight I'm getting something done.

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