Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Where am I going with my life?

Sometimes, when Hubs isn't in the room, I watch TEDTalks. He thinks most of them are boring, whereas I'm just frikkin' amazed at some of the things I learn. Each talk is less than 20 minutes a piece. 20 minutes could change your life. Seriously. I watched one about crocheting a coral reef and it's ability to model a previously un-modelable type of math - hyperbolic math. I was floored. And immediately interested in going back to school to focus on hyperbolic math.

If you haven't seen any, you are totally missing out on life-changing ideas. Last night I watched a talk from Larry Smith in 2011. His topic was 'Why you will fail to have a great career'. Have you watched it? You need to. Here. You can watch it now :)

What are you giving up? What has stopped you from pursuing your PASSION? I thought it might be important to check out passion in the dictionary. (I recently learned that some of the words we use don't mean what we think they mean. 10 words that you've probably been misusing. and there are more.)

pas·sion [pash-uhn] noun
1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
2. strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.
6. a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music.
(I skipped 3,4, and 5 because they were strictly sexual. I'm not advocating that your sex life needs more passion. Unless you think it does. But that's besides the point.)

What am I passionate about? I don't know. So I googled 'How to find your passion'. At least this time it didn't tell me I'm pregnant, it's usual answer to my questions. After reading dozens of pages suggesting to take tests, THINK hard about what makes you happy, I found this: The secret to finding your passion. We're failing in our search for our passion because we are thinking too hard about it. we can't THINK about it. We have to FEEL it. And we can't FEEL anything until we DO something. It was a complete 180 from what I've been taught, read, or tried in the past. But that's me. I'm a THINKer. Always have been. I'm not so much a DOer. That's likely the underlying problem of all my problems. I don't actually DO anything, I just THINK and PLAN and HOPE that things will work out, or change, or whatever. But if I never actually DO anything, nothing is going to change.

The point is: Will I tell my children in the future that I didn't find my passion because I was too worried about being what someone else wanted me to be? Do I tell them that finding their passion is not as important as going to school, getting a decent job, and raising a family? If I don't pursue my dreams, how can I ever honestly tell my children to pursue theirs? "Honey, don't do what I did. I decided that I wanted to have kids instead of figuring out what I'm passionate about. Don't make the same mistake as me!" That's really going to make my future children happy.

But how am I going to change? What do I have to DO to find something I FEEL amazing about? I'm just going to start DOing. I'm not going to restrict myself to choices other people think I should make. I'm going to go out and DO something I've never done, and I'm going to keep doing it until I FEEL something. It could be volunteering. Underwater basket weaving. Travelling. Scrapbooking. Lion taming. Guiding tours. Who the hell knows. I'll know. When I find it, I'll FEEL it.

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