Friday, January 18, 2013

Getting over self-sabotage...

I've become increasingly frustrated with myself. I make plans, but don't follow through with them. I join weight loss challenges, but I don't workout. I buy healthy food and watch it rot. I believe these are valid frustrations. And when I get mad at myself, I self-sabotage. Like half a dozen donuts and chinese takeout.

Today I'm reminding myself of all the good changes I have made.

1) Switched to all-natural shampoo and conditioner - My hair has never looked better and cleaner. And I don't think I'm losing as much as I used to.
2) Switched to all-natural deodorant - No more cysts under my arms. Yay!!!
3) Switched to homemade laundry soap - clothes are cleaner, and saved a decent amount of money.
4) Switched to all-natural bar soap - Just feel cleaner.
5) Quit smoking - This is big. I started smoking at 12-13. I officially quit in Aug 2011. After 10 years, I quit cold turkey. Sadly, I recently started smoking again, 1 or 2 cigs a day, if that. So I need to quit again. And that will be easy.
6) Lost 20+ pounds - Although I have gained some of the weight I lost back, I'm still 20 pounds less than my starting weight.
7) I can do yoga moves that I thought I'd never be able to do.
8) I have broadened my produce horizons - I have a new-found love of veggies that I thought I hated, like zucchini and squash.
9) I went to the rheumatologist - and after finally getting diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia, I know what is wrong with me physically. And I can wear my wedding ring again. I am on medications to make life easier, and they have. I can work again, and I the back pain that left me crippled is now managed, and I can make it through the day now.
10) I went to a new psychiatrist - We are working on finding the right combination of drugs to get me out of this depressive episode and back to being relatively normal. And the anger issues that have caused me to, on multiple occasions, leave my husband don't exist anymore. We have a better relationship now, and I don't have the constant worry that one day my marriage will end.
11) Opened up about my illnesses - I have met so many wonderful women since I started finding facebook groups for my different issues. I have a large, albeit online, support system that knows what I am going through.
12) Decided to manage PCOS naturally - I've been able to have a regular cycle for 2+ years now. Who knows, maybe I've even begun to ovulate again. Maybe we could start the search for a sperm donor...

I'm sure if I thought about it for a while, I could think of more. But the whole point of this is to remind myself that even when I don't feel motivated to do something, I am still better off than I was before, and I just have to push myself a little harder. We'll see how this goes.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Lynne!!! I read this and think about myself so much. I wish TX and WA weren't so far away!!!