Monday, December 3, 2012

Of course, things never go right for long.

And yet again, more reasons why I should start a petition to change Murphy's Law to Lynne's Law.

I love(d) my job at the pottery shop. I was excited to go to work. But on Saturdays, things went a little haywire. I've decided to blame it on the amount of work I'm doing, in combination with all the new medications I'm on.. I just couldn't wake up when the 7+ alarms went off on Sat mornings. And I was late too many times. My boss expected me to be dependable, and to open the shop on time. And I failed. So I no longer work at the shop.

What frustrates me more than anything, though, is that I was just starting to feel better, a little less depressed, and as usual, life gets turned upside down again. And for me, it always happens in threes. Sometimes it's three little things, and sometimes it's three big things. And it started this time with a big thing.

I shouldn't be so upset. In reality, losing that job actually means making more money, because I'll be at my first job more often, and I get paid 3x more there. I'll be able to take care of more financial issues, and relieve some of that stress. But what becomes of my happiness? I know that I can still go to the pottery shop on Saturdays. I know that I'll be able to afford more projects. But my heart is still broken because I won't be working there anymore. Instead of working on projects several days a week, I now have to schedule the time into my weekend.

It will relieve some of the stress I've been dealing with - pertaining to all the hours I've been pushing myself to do over the last couple of months. I'll be able to do things on the weekends now, instead of just sleep. But it still sucks.

I'm afraid of #2 and #3. I want to consider getting on the scale this morning as #2, but that wasn't anybody's fault but my own. The scale said 239.6 today. I really wanted to cry, but I can't be sad at something that I could have stopped. I didn't have to eat all those donuts this weekend. But I eat when I'm depressed. Sugary, unhealthy foods, because they emotionally make me feel better. But I don't physically feel better - I end up feeling worse, then regret it later, like I did this morning.

Maybe things will go better this time, and there won't be a #2 and #3.

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