Monday, December 10, 2012

Getting To Know Myself - Day 4


If not now, then when?

Usually when it feels right. But the time may never feel right, and you'll never do it. You have to trust yourself to make the right choice, and that's the hardest part for me. Do I trust myself to make the right choices? Do I believe that I'm going down the right path? When I look back at some of the other choices I have made, I know they were horrible choices. But I have to tell myself that if I didn't make the stupid choices, I wouldn't be where I am now. I wouldn't have the best husband in the world, because we never would have met. I wouldn't have my fur and feather babies. So what stupid choices in the future will lead to better things? I guess we may never know.


Disclaimer: If you don't like what I have to say, that's fine. You are entitled to your own opinion, just as I am. And if you want to respond to anything I have said, I welcome your comments. However, if you want to comment solely to bash me or my opinions and beliefs, don't. I'll just delete it. 

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Getting To Know Myself - Day 3


Is it possible to lie without saying a word?

This one seems fairly simple. Yes, you don't have to say anything to lie. Withholding the truth can be seen as a lie. The problem is trying to figure out if the silence is truth or fiction.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Getting To Know Myself - Day 2


If you have the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would your message be?

We have got to stop being so damn cruel to each other. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but it is unnecessary and ridiculous to attempt to force them on others. This comment, of course, is focused on one thing, because it's the basis for pretty much all other arguments - religion. If you are happy with your religion, that's fantastic. I just ask you to remember that the United States started because the colonists wanted the freedom to believe in whatever religion they wanted. They even incorporated the separation of church and state. The funny thing, though, is that separation never truly happened. And those who try to keep that separation catch hell from the Christians that believe the government should enforce laws based on religious beliefs. We are bombarded now with hateful billboards, lawsuits, etc.

Did you know that at most schools in the country, you are allowed to wear a cross or a Jewish star necklace, but pentacles and pentagrams are forbidden? Why are some allowed to wear pieces that reflect their religion while others are not?

So here's an easy way to fix this. If it's religious, the government doesn't touch it. No nativity scenes on public property. No more 'In God we Trust' on money. No more 'Under God' in the pledge. If two men or two women want to get married, so be it. In school, either ban all religious symbols altogether, or let everyone wear them.

**I realize that these suggestions would also imply that Christmas should not be celebrated, and cities should not throw tree lighting parties. I'm okay with Christmas, mainly because it's not celebrated correctly anyway. The date Dec 25 was chosen several hundred years ago by a king to join Christians and Pagans  together to celebrate one occasion. Jesus' birth is clearly documented in the bible. Luke 2:8 "And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night." If you do a simple google search for weather patterns in the Middle East in December, you'll see it was too damn cold for shepherds to be watching their flock in the fields at night. But I could go on and on about how Christmas isn't really a religious holiday (as Christians want it to be.)**

Disclaimer: If you don't like what I have to say, that's fine. You are entitled to your own opinion, just as I am. And if you want to respond to anything I have said, I welcome your comments. However, if you want to comment solely to bash me or my opinions and beliefs, don't. I'll just delete it.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Getting To Know Myself - Day 1


How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

Certainly not 24. I really don't feel like a 24 year old. I often get frustrated that I haven't even lived for half a century and I have 4 life-long illnesses. Some of which will increase in severity as life goes on. My Wii Fit told me once that I was 71 years old, and I cried. I don't want to think that I'm 71 until I'm actually 71.
But that's not answering the question. If I didn't know how old I was, and I based it off of normal people, I'd guess I was in my 30s. Some of that is due to being sick. But I have also been through a divorce and a second marriage, raised twin infants and a toddler, and held down long term positions at just a couple of companies.

I used to think that being 20-something would be awesome. Friends and family have said that it can be the best time period of my life. I don't know if I'm holding myself back from enjoying my 20s, or if everything I've dealt with in life has forced the 20s time period away completely. Or maybe I have the wrong idea about what my 20s are supposed to contain. When I was younger, I had planned to be done having kids by the time I was 25. I'll be lucky if we get to start trying to have kids again by 25. (Shit. That's only 3 months away.) Of course, it really doesn't help that I've spent most of my 20s depressed and unmedicated. Maybe now that I'm back on my meds and actually feeling like doing stuff, the second half of the decade will be better.

Disclaimer: If you don't like what I have to say, that's fine. You are entitled to your own opinion, just as I am. And if you want to respond to anything I have said, I welcome your comments. However, if you want to comment solely to bash me or my opinions and beliefs, don't. I'll just delete it.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Getting To Know Myself

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I don't know myself. In all honesty, I'm not sure how to do that, either. But I do know that I don't want next year to be anything like this year. So I did some googling and found a set of questions to ask yourself to provoke your thoughts. I figured I'd do one question a day until the end of the year, and see if I know myself a little better than I do now. I'll post all the questions first, so anyone can do it with me. I'll try to add a linky thing to the bottom so you can link up.



  1. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
  2. If you have the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would your message be?
  3. Is it possible to lie without saying a word?
  4. If not now, then when?
  5. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
  6. Are you holding onto something that you need to let go of?
  7. Have you done anything lately that's worth remembering?
  8. Who do you love? What are you doing about it?
  9. When is it time to stop calculating RISK and REWARDS, and just do what you know is right?
  10. Do you think crying is a sign of weakness or strength?
  11. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
  12. When you're 80+, what will matter to you the most?
  13. Do you ask enough questions? Or do you settle for what you know?
  14. Do you celebrate the things you do have?
  15. When all is said and done, will you have said more than you've done?
  16. When was the last time you tried something new?
  17. What activities make you lose track of time?
  18. If you could do it all over again, would you change anything?
  19. What is the difference between living and existing?
  20. If you have a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be in your life?
  21. If you had to teach something, what would you teach?
  22. Time or money?
  23. Are you aware that someone has it worse than you?
  24. What makes you smile?
  25. What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life?

Disclaimer: If you don't like what I have to say, that's fine. You are entitled to your own opinion, just as I am. And if you want to respond to anything I have said, I welcome your comments. However, if you want to comment solely to bash me or my opinions and beliefs, don't. I'll just delete it. 

Monday, December 3, 2012

Of course, things never go right for long.


And yet again, more reasons why I should start a petition to change Murphy's Law to Lynne's Law.

I love(d) my job at the pottery shop. I was excited to go to work. But on Saturdays, things went a little haywire. I've decided to blame it on the amount of work I'm doing, in combination with all the new medications I'm on.. I just couldn't wake up when the 7+ alarms went off on Sat mornings. And I was late too many times. My boss expected me to be dependable, and to open the shop on time. And I failed. So I no longer work at the shop.

What frustrates me more than anything, though, is that I was just starting to feel better, a little less depressed, and as usual, life gets turned upside down again. And for me, it always happens in threes. Sometimes it's three little things, and sometimes it's three big things. And it started this time with a big thing.

I shouldn't be so upset. In reality, losing that job actually means making more money, because I'll be at my first job more often, and I get paid 3x more there. I'll be able to take care of more financial issues, and relieve some of that stress. But what becomes of my happiness? I know that I can still go to the pottery shop on Saturdays. I know that I'll be able to afford more projects. But my heart is still broken because I won't be working there anymore. Instead of working on projects several days a week, I now have to schedule the time into my weekend.

It will relieve some of the stress I've been dealing with - pertaining to all the hours I've been pushing myself to do over the last couple of months. I'll be able to do things on the weekends now, instead of just sleep. But it still sucks.

I'm afraid of #2 and #3. I want to consider getting on the scale this morning as #2, but that wasn't anybody's fault but my own. The scale said 239.6 today. I really wanted to cry, but I can't be sad at something that I could have stopped. I didn't have to eat all those donuts this weekend. But I eat when I'm depressed. Sugary, unhealthy foods, because they emotionally make me feel better. But I don't physically feel better - I end up feeling worse, then regret it later, like I did this morning.

Maybe things will go better this time, and there won't be a #2 and #3.