Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Great end to a good week

(This was from the first week of October. I was going to put pictures in it, but never got around to taking them.)

This week:
- 5 days of work
- 1 flare-up
- First walking group walk (which included two laps around the pond instead of one!)
- Shopping with Mom at Grapevine Mills: 
     * New doormat with bright owls that says 'Who's there?'
     * Floor length knit dress
     * Monopoly U-Build It game
- Shopping with Mom and Memaw at Stein Mart
     * Polka dot heels with peek-a-boo toes
     * Peacock feather flip flops
     * Short sleeve blue knee length dress
- First week of Soul Cyster Weight Loss Challenge
- First week of Pregnitude
- Picked next tattoo design, now to work on colors (reward for meeting goal at end of challenge)
And it ended with game night with hubby. We played a round of our new Monopoly game, then hopped on our computers for some mopar. Best part of the night? Realizing that hubby, who professes to dislike musicals, was singing along with me to Moulin Rouge soundtrack music. *Words cannot truly express how awesome that felt*

Monday, October 15, 2012

Rest in Peace, Don.

As the time to leave for the funeral is approaching, I felt the need to get some things off my chest. (I know that it's not nice to speak ill of the deceased, so I'm going to be as nice as possible with this.)

Friday, just after hubby dropped me off at work, he called me. I was busy with customers, so I didn't answer. When I had the chance to listen to his voicemail, I knew something was WRONG. Like WAY WRONG. And damnit if I wasn't right. Hubs' grandfather suffered a massive heart attack and passed away. And I couldn't be at home to comfort hubby like he needed. I know that things like this happen, but I'm still sad that I wasn't available when he needed me.

I guess, due to the tensions in the family, it hasn't really hit me that Don is gone. I don't believe we were on the best of terms. The first time we met, he berated me for dating someone without a job. Actually, he words were something to the effect of "You are an idiot for dating him." I understood his position, and I let it slide. I love my hubby, even if we were living in a cardboard box. The last conversation hubby had with him didn't go well, either. He said "I have better things to do than talk to you." I don't understand how you could say that to your own grandson, but I couldn't change it.

The last time we saw Don was at our wedding, almost 3 years ago. I have one picture of them. Although my list of must have pics included one of us with his grandparents, it never was taken. I'm frustrated with myself for letting that happen. I'm mad that Don won't be around when we renew our vows and have a good photographer.

I'm sad that I didn't get to know Don like I should have. Because of the tension in the family, I stayed in the shadows, and let my husband make decisions. That's what I was supposed to do, right? He didn't want to go to Thanksgiving at his grandparent's house, so I didn't force him. And I can tell that he's regretting that now.

Life isn't fair - we see that on a daily basis. Life is disappointing. And that's what I'll be thinking about during the funeral. I've got a laundry list of shoulda woulda couldas in my head, and they aren't going away. We should have gone to visit. We could've set aside our differences and joined the family for Thanksgiving. I could have sent pictures when I said I would. We should have called and talked. But now, Don is gone, and that chance is over. So I can only hope that this was a blessing in disguise and it brings the family back together, for more than just a funeral.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Day 1 of new schedule

Today is the first day of my new schedule. And so far, I've already been failing. But I've got the rest of the day to go, and I think I can be more successful this evening. My first round at the new planner is complete. It has several sections:
1) Weekly At A Glance - Has a block for each day of the week, and notes at the bottom. This is for major events and appts.
2) Daily Schedule - Simple sheet with time blocks from 9am to 11pm, in 30 min increments. This is the section to add more detail to my day.
3) Morning and Evening Schedule - This has all the stuff I have to do on a daily basis, such as brushing my teeth, taking a shower, taking my pills, eating, etc. Has a time allotted column for every task, and a y/n completion column.
4) Food Journal - Checkboxes for water intake and supplements. Space to write each meal, breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. Each meal has a checklist of the types of food I ate, veggies, fruit, grains, protein, fats. Notes section at bottom.
5) Pain and Mood Diary - Has a grid for me to track my pain and moods on a scale of 0-10 at 3 times of the day - AM, mid-day and PM. Each page can handle a whole week. Notes at bottom.
6) Stress Diary - Place to record the cause of stress, as well as the physical and emotional symptoms that went along with it.

I only printed out enough for one week. This way, if there's something I need to change or add, I don't have to reprint a bajillion pages. I also printed them all in several pretty colors (teal, green, purple and red). I did that mainly because I was out of black ink, but now that I've been looking at it for a while, I like the colors. Maybe the colors will make me feel happier or more likely to use it frequently. I already know I need to add three more sections - a basic to-do list, a supplement list and a pain tracker. The pain tracker will be a little more in-depth than the current pain and mood diary. It'll resemble the stress diary, with the space to add what the pain was, where it occurred and what I did in response. the supplement list will detail when I started a supplement/pill, when I ended it, dosage and side effects. This will be useful to me and my doc.

I want to get the pain tracker added tonight so I'll have a month's worth of data to give to the rheumy at my next appt.

The Soul Cysters Weight Loss Challenge started today. We have 15+ participants, which is awesome. The prize pot is pretty large, and I've already decided that if I win, part of hte money will go to a new tattoo, and the rest will be donated to Power Up for PCOS. I'm starting a walking group in the area tomorrow, and hopefully I won't be the only one walking.