Thursday, August 23, 2012

Venting about the need for and the lack of sleep.

My rheumy prescribed Elavil as treatment for my fibro. He did this because he knew I didn't have insurance, and the most popular drugs like Lyrica, Cymbalta and Humira are expensive. Elavil has been around so long and used for so many things - anti-depressant, sleeping pills, chronic pain, etc - that it's on all the $4 generic prescription lists, so it certainly doesn't hurt my pocket like the other drugs would. I was grateful that he took my financial restrictions into consideration. Now I'm starting to regret it.

It's 7am, and I haven't been to sleep yet. The Elavil helps me sleep, but it also gives me nightmares. I dealt with it in the beginning, because I'm no stranger to nightmares. The rheumy also suggested that I do what I could to reduce my stress levels. About a month ago I impulse bought herbal drops called 'Deep Stress', made by WishGarden. I started taking 3 droppers full at night before I went to bed. Just a few days after I starting, I realized I wasn't having nightmares. I told the rheumy at the last visit about the nightmares. But I also told him that the drops were helping, so he wasn't worried about it. I was so excited to finally be getting some decent sleep. Until last week, when the nightmares started coming back again. I thought that I might be developing a tolerance to the drops, so I skipped them for a night. Had nightmares. Used them the next night. Had nightmares. Skipped them again, had nightmares. So hubby asked me if I was willing to skip my Elavil dose one night to see if I still had the nightmares. I decided that last night (or several hours ago, however you want to look at it) was the night to do it, since I don't work on Thursdays. The result? I think the nightmares are worth the sleep. I say that simply because I laid in bed for over an hour, unable to get comfortable, unable to shut my mind off, unable to sleep. I used to watch tv until I got so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open - even that's not working this time.

So it just frustrates me. If I take the meds to sleep, I have nightmares. If I don't take them, I can't sleep at all. If I continue not sleeping, my fibro pain will start getting worse again. I hate the nightmares, but I do like that I've been able to cook more lately. I did yoga all week last week and didn't hurt nearly as bad as I thought I would. Is the life that almost resembles normal worth the nightmares? Or do I talk to the doc about switching to a more expensive drug, in turn adding more stress because I'd have to work more? I'm tired of all these Catch-22 situations with my health. I'm not a football player!

Ok, vent over. I'm going to attempt this thing called sleep again. Even a nap would be satisfactory.

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