I decided to email a few professional organizers today about possibly hiring one to help me tame my apartment. I really think that if everything was clean and organized, I'd feel better about myself, I could start cooking again, get healthier and go back to work. Sounds like a great plan, right? I just hope that this will work out for me. I really think it could make a difference, if the price is right. I think my grandmother will like the idea. She's been wanting me to get the place clean, she knows that I can't do it on my own, and she certainly can't help me.
Since our apartment complex is raising our rent by $150 if we renew the lease, we are moving. Again. I'm so sick of it. But what's worse is the inability to find a place. No one has anything open for our move-in date. And even if they do, I can't prove I have the income to afford an apartment without using my tax return. Well I can't file my taxes yet because I owe $3000 in self-employment taxes. Where the heck am I supposed to come up with that? I'm one big ball of crazy right now, and I'm still feeling hopeless. I started considering finding a long-term puppy sitter, moving all of our stuff to storage and living in a long-term hotel. At least then I'd have housekeeping. I don't want to part with my puppy, but if I have to, I have to.
I'm really beginning to think that Hubs is depressed. He is very sad about how my family thinks of him, and he wants to change our situation, but like me, he doesn't have the motivation to. I don't know what I need to do for him to help him out. It's pretty hard for a depressed person to try and cheer up another depressed person. It's much easier to wallow in self-pity together. My dad and I had a not so nice text conversation about Hubs last week that had Hubs crying, walking out the door and saying he wasn't coming back until he found a job so everyone would stop hating him. He didn't end up leaving, thank goodness - but I cried the rest of the night and again the next morning. How do you get a guy to go to a doctor and talk about his feelings?
We have a telephone appointment with the food stamp office on Tuesday. I'm hoping that we get some benefits. It will really help us out and take some burden off my grandparents. I've got to get all the paperwork together and faxed out to them today. The only thing I'm really worried about right now is my throat during the call. A neighbor gave us strep throat, and I'm afraid we'll have trouble talking. But I'm going to push through and do what I can.
Here's to trying desperately to stay optimistic when nothing is going right.