Thursday, February 2, 2012

Hopelessness and Allergies

I've been feeling overwhelmingly hopeless lately. DH and I are both disabled and not fit to work, but we aren't disabled enough to be recognized by the gov't. Since we are not working, we cannot afford insurance to cover medications I need to become remotely sane - although they never really did work. Every day that goes by is just another day where I realize that I am having to rely on my 77 year old grandfather, who will probably end up working until the day he dies because he is the only one in our family who gives a damn and supports us, even if he really doesn't want to. I've been trying so hard to lose weight in an attempt to feel better. I figured if I didn't have to carry around so much weight, I might feel better. Well gaining 8 pounds in the last 2-3 weeks definitely isn't helping.

I've been sitting here for hours scouring the internet for some piece of advice I haven't heard before, something that might make me feel better. I guess I did find something, but I'm not getting my hopes up - if I'm wrong, it hurts less this way. I've read some interesting articles/blogs/research lately that shows a correlation between my perpetually swollen fingers, stiff joints, and my depression and bipolar disorder: FOOD ALLERGIES. I know that going off gluten did wonders for my gut, but what else could I be eating that is causing so many problems? My grandmother paid for a food allergy test yesterday. The blood test checks for 110 different allergies, covering the typical foods one might eat. The results should be available within 3 weeks. I'm so very afraid that I may have a nut allergy, which will be a nightmare for me, since nut flours have been my go-to flours since I went gluten-free. Or could I be allergic to kale, even though I have perfected my super spicy kale chip dehydrator recipe? I'd be happy to be allergic to red meat and chicken - it would be an excuse to become a vegetarian, something I can't do now because of my husband's love for anything meaty. My fear is that I won't have the willpower to eliminate anything the test might reveal as bad for me. I still eat some gluten, even though I know what it does to me.

Photo Credit
I've seen enough rain lately - a rainbow would be a welcome change.

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