Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I will attempt to fulfill a New Year's Resoluton

(This is almost a month old, but I needed to post it anyway.)

So, New Year's has come and gone. I guess I'm supposed to make some resolutions? Typically I'd say my resolution was to not make any resolutions - therefore saving me from the inevitable failure later on in the year. But it would be childish of me, thus guaranteeing failure of the resolution I did come up with - to grow up. I'm certainly not 18 anymore, but I realized that sometimes I can still act that way. I'm 23 this year, and have not accomplished anything significant in my life. If you asked me 10 years ago what I expected of my life right now, I'd expect to be a stay at home mom with at least one child, a nice house and a nice car. My 13 year old self would kick my ass. Now, granted, I have run into some complications with my goals, but those are just road bumps along the path of life that I just need to get over. But instead of moving forward and getting past those speed bumps, I've just stopped. I'm just sitting here, idling.

One of my biggest hurdles has been the PCOS diagnosis. That was more of a wall that I ran face forward into. There is no way to get around this wall; I have to climb over it. I've had my fair share of ill-fated attempts at scaling this wall, but have never gotten close to succeeding in reaching the other side. This year, though, I'm making my biggest attempt at getting to the other side. I've often joked that I would lose weight if I had some incentive, such as money. Well, that's exactly what I've gotten myself into. I'm in a Weight Loss Challenge. The person that loses the most weight in 3 months gets $50. I know it's not a whole lot of money, but it's better than nothing. I'm going to start eating better. I've done really well with cutting back some carbs and sugars - I drink hot tea instead of soda, and when I eat pasta, it's whole wheat. I've done a lot better with this diet than I used to, but I still have a long way to go. I need to cut out carbs almost completely, as well as the sugars. I need to start exercising more as well. I did attempt yoga class - not just once, but twice, and realized that it wasn't something I was going to be able to continue until I lost a lot of weight. The poses that are used frequently in every class do not work well with the way I breathe. I have the dvds at home and I am going to continue working with them. I haven't used my home gym since we moved - but I will start again soon. It's currently in a closet because I had no room for it, but I will make room, and I will use it.

Recently I've done a lot to grow up. We have a health plan for illness, dental insurance, renter's insurance and car insurance. We have paid off bills instead of ignoring them. Yet I still feel as though I haven't done enough to be where I should be. My clothes still live on the floor, even though I have two closets and a dresser. I have 15 bags of clothes hidden in the stairway closet so I don't have to look at them - even though I have a washer and dryer and could get them cleaned, folded and in the closet. I could probably make a nice amount of money if I cleaned all the clothes and figured out what I didn't want or need anymore. I now have a dishwasher that works, and I've been using frequently, but still not enough.

I'm going to start a to-do list. I'm not going to let myself watch TV or get on Facebook until I finish the day's list. I can only hold myself accountable, and that's what I need to start doing. For so long I've made goals and told myself I can achieve them, but never forced myself to do it. I'd always say, "well, that can be done later." or "I'll get to it tomorrow." I've got to stop procrastinating.

So, my New Year's Resolution is to grow up. I've been doing a fairly good job, but not good enough. I'd say I'm more like a 19 year old than a 22 year old. I'm doing some of the things an adult should do, but not all of them. And I'm going to fix that. Because next year's resolution can't happen unless I succeed this year.